Category: Uncategorized

16/1/2025

I went to see this movie with a new friend in a lovely art deco cinema. It was completely different from what I thought it was going to be like. As always with this little blog, here are my random thoughts.

Nosferatu follows Ellen (Lily Rose Depp with black hair – making her look sicker and plainer than her usual elfish self) and her relationship with Count Orlock (Dracula basically) who seeks to repossess her after she marries her current husband Thomas (Tony from Skins). Turns out she revoked a marriage pact that she had made with the Count when she was a young girl as an escape from the isolation that came after her mother’s death. 

Lily Rose Depp’s acting was wonderful – her facial expressions in moments where she was possessed were particularly captivating. This was especially surprising since the only other thing I had seen her in recently was that train wreck with the Weeknd. I loved the visuals and the atmosphere of the film too, they really made the movie completely unsettling. And I was constantly on edge which is not the usual case for me in horror movies.  My friend who recommended the film said it was like Poor Things…it was absolutely the complete opposite. I blame her for looping my other unsuspecting friend into a chilling and graphic horror where our skins were crawling the entire time when I expected, and sold the movie, as an aesthetic, lighthearted, but eclectic comedy. …we probably should have watched the trailers.

I found it interesting that it was ambiguous whether or not Helen actually enjoyed her tryst with the Count. Obviously she must have been ashamed of it, being against the ideals of Victorian Society and purity, and him being some wrinkly, old, man. But on some level I think she enjoyed the specialness it gave her. She was a child of loneliness, abandoned by both her mother in death and her father in emotion, but had been chosen by a powerful spirit of the universe which gave her life meaning. I get the feeling of loneliness, and have my own terrible choices in men, but Jesus she must have been really lonely to have multiple encounters with a decaying body. Imagine the smell! I feel way worse for poor Thomas though, especially when he kisses her hand when the wrinkled dead body of the Count was on top of her, probably even inside her at that point. LOL. Traumatic. Poor dude definitely needs some therapy after this. 

13/1/2025

Somehow, over time, I’ve managed to feel unimaginably worse about it. I’ve just returned to the city we had our story in and every corner we existed in reminds me of him. It’s horrible. I go out and suddenly burst into tears. And I’ve tried to distract myself with hobbies, good food, sleep, exercise, and I have surrounded myself with people I love. Yet I feel so much worse than I did a couple of days ago.

Maybe it’s because it feels more final. And maybe I have more introspection on the situation, knowing what I did wrong and being unable to tell him. To fix it almost. And being so, so angry. I don’t think I have ever felt so mad and disillusioned with the world. To hate someone so much because they promise to love you and care for you and then hurt you. To be mad that the timing isn’t right. And so angry at yourself for not being better for someone you cared about. Then turning over the thoughts until they become a tornado of guilt and regret of not being able to do it right the first time.

And underlying all these feelings is sadness. That what we had will now only be memories, that they aren’t real anymore. And I am so sad that I was over-anxious, over-analysing, and I wasn’t alive and in the present moment a lot of the time we were together. Because of how badly I wanted it to be perfect. I don’t know what to do, I am so lost. The only thing that is saving me through all of this is the phrase that everything will be okay, because that’s the way it has to be.